theres only so much i can take. im at the bottom. officially at the bottom. ive been low as shit but never have i felt like this. its to the point that i dont even get mad anymore. i havent been mad in days. ive only been sad. i just wanna sit in my room and rot away. i am nothing to this world. no contribution here. imma waste. thats how i feel anyway. just wasting away here. no goals. no nothing. just me and my feelings. my out of control emotions. i dont even wanna joke or play around. i just wanna sit at my house and do nothing. no tv, no music. just lay. im stuck. really. this shit has been building up inside me... then disaster struck. im scared to go anywhere or do anything. Not like theres anything to do in this city but drugs anyways. drugs have gotten me no where. trouble. its true what they say about that shit. its a downward spiral... endless unless you have the self control to fight it. luckily, i do. ive been sober for 5 days. may not seem like long to whomever is reading this.. but they dont know me. i deserve a fuckin trophy or some shit.
i can feel everyone around me lying. i know when im being shit on... im done fighting all these pathetic people. imma just let em do what they want. i know whats really going on even though they think i dont. ill let em walk all over me. fuck it. what else am i gunna do? find some new people, trust them and let them shit on me? No thanks. I have plenty of shitty people in my life to do that already. might as well just deal the hand i was dealt... even though id love to throw all my cards in the fire.
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